Starting over

This week has been a rather stressful. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, and i plan on it staying that way. It comes a point in life where you realize all the things and people you thought you couldnt live without was just a sign of insecurity. You dont have to settle for anyone status. I think as a young lady we tend to fall in love with our heart and many(but not all) guys tend to take advantage of that. My mom always told me if something does not feel right then most of the time its not.

Ive made mistakes in my life. Ive let people take advantage of me, ive excepted way less than i deserve. But i have learned from my bad choices and even though there are somethings i can never get back, and some people that will never be sorry, i no better next time and i wont settle for anything less than i deserve.

Thanksgiving

This year is not what i expected for the holidays. It actually doesnt even feel like the holidays are coming up. Its still hot outside and feel as if its still summer, and where im from its cold during the holidays, and to me the weather seems to make the seasons come alive. Also for thanksgiving my family is breaking the tradition. Every year all the woman in the family get together in the kitchen and make all the food, and after the food is done the everyone sits around the table and before we eat, every person has to give a good reason to why they are thankful, this year we are made reservations to go out to dinner, something im not use to, and i must admit im a little disappointed by it. It just doesnt seem like the holidays anymore, or maybe im just growing out of the holiday spirit. Hopefully our tradition gets back like it was next year, and the weather goes the way it should, then i probably can get back into the spirit.

My Halloween

Photo: Goddaughter Tamia


You can never get to old for the holiday activities. This Halloween i decided to dress up. I was a girl baseball player. Ithought since i had not dressed up om many years i could participate in it this year. i was taking my godaughter out trick-or-treating and i felt that if i dressed up she might have a little more excitement to dress up as well. She was a princess this halloween and we were both excited for the night to start. Just before we were going out to get some candy my aunt came over and asked us were we going to the Hallejuah festival at the church, and i told her no and gave a run through of out plans for that night. She was angry and told me that this holiday was the devils holiday , we argued for many hours about the plans, because i felt that everyone was not out to celebrate the devil it was a fun acivity for children to have fun, she she tried to prve her point by telling me thats why everyone dress up as devils and gobbling, and i gave her a perfect example of my point by showing her that all costumes arent possessed, like my goddaughter was a princess, and my friends daughter was an angel, and i was a baseball player and so on....Well our plans got cancelled and instead we ended up at the church but the night was still fun and we all enjoyed it together.

The process

This week has been a trying week. i mean i have been through more things this week that i have been in my whole life, but i guess God never gives you more than you ca bare. Through out every thing i have learned to have patience with people and to be humble i diffent situations. Sometimes its better to forgive, so that you can get on with your life, cause the longer you hold on the more you hinder yourself, and cant move foward. This you can not learned from someone teaching or telling you but experience is the best teacher. One thing is certain, i learned the difference in being a little girl and a woman. And to me that was something i was definitely trying to discover, because some people never get the chance to realize the difference. To me a little girl needs someone to guide them and cant quite stand on their own yet, its like a baby that have to drink milk because they are not ready for the solid, because they cant chew the food up well. A woman is one who has developed level of independence, she can stand on her own, though she mayy fall sometimes she will get back up.

I didnt realize until i got older how differently men and woman are treated. No its not as bad as it use to be but its surely not as good as it should be. Little girls watch on t.v that in order to be beautiful they cant have no flaws, no acne, no glasses, no scars. The average time a girls spend trying to make themselves look beautiful is ridiculous. I believe thats is why so many teenagers and young adults are ending up with babies that are unwanted. Advertisements use a woman's sex appeal for everything. Men down grade woman, and only see them as sex objects, example the Rap music videos, movies, commercials, anything seems to sale if a woman is half naked on it. i think something is wrong with this picture.

God Told Me My Worth....

I am more than a one night stand. I quit "having sex" a long time ago, I deserve a man who "makes love" then lies next to me,One that wants everything, not just sex with me.I am more than a booty call.I am a woman of substance.Capable of giving much more than an erection,I deserve a man who offers me his, time, love and affection.I am more than a department store chick.When things go bad,A new Gucci, won't heal my pain,I deserve to matter, be on your mind, stopping you from even asking her name.I know my worth. I won't settle for less.I have a problem with being second best.My jealousy won't let me share you,Why? When my God says I don't have to.Forgive me if I still demand respect.Never mind me, if I won't take anything less.I know what the other roads lead to,I know where the door goes, I've already been through.True love, is just that--it's true.Be real with me, because I'm always real with you.A part of you is not enough,I deserve the whole thing, even the bad stuff.Today is my renaissance, my new- birth.I talked to God and he told me my worth.I won't settle for your money, your status, or good sex. Give all those things to the chick, who hasn't talked to God yet.Instead I'll take your time, your heart, late night pillow talk.Phone calls to say hello, and long beach walks.Sweet kisses on the small of my back,Warm cozy home in a quiet cul-de-sac. I promise to be your rib, your good thing,But I deserve more that a one karat ring.I want a love that's bigger than money can buy.Love that's unseen to the human eye.The love that always promises to give it's best.God told me my worth? I won't take anything less..Mrs. Rochelle B. McAtee
draft

Current Status

I am currently attending California State University, my current major is Pre-med biology, but i suddently got a craving for the criminal justice system so i am changing my major to social work and criminal justice, i currently work two jobs and is taking care of my disabled mother and seeking custody of my goddaughter(whom i love dearly). I dont hang out much but when i do i make sure i make the best of it, and have as much fun as possible. However, school and work always come first, i learned there is a hard road ahead if you are not building a career in america. Its full opportunity but you have to work very hard to achieve it.